


The Walrus and the Android

by blue_pointer



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Apologies, Awkward Peter Parker, Baby Goat Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo, Bucky and goats, Bucky asks T'Challa to save Tony, Bucky has social anxiety, Bucky's life in Wakanda, Epistolary, Flirting, Harley Keener Tony's first son, M/M, Making peace, Misunderstandings, My two sons, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Old Peggy Carter, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Quote: Another broken white boy for me to fix (Marvel), Sassy FRIDAY, Sassy Tony Stark, Shuri gives good advice, T'Challa to the rescue, Tony Fucking Stark, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark does not want to become Howard, Tony is trying with Pepper, a whiny ex-husband, accidental compliments, androids will be androids, but he doesn't have an arm, classic vaudeville references, location titles which are far too large, muscles big muscles, suspicious Pepper Potts, tony stark has abandonment issues, unsolicited Lord of the Rings references, your humble punching bag, yours cruelly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23998861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: Being an explanation for why Steve could go back in time, yet change nothing.(Also-known-as: In which Steve Rogers circa 2011 is an android.)Howard Stark believed he could fix anything. Even this.He was wrong.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Shuri, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 29
Kudos: 44
Collections: Winteriron all the time





	1. Through the Looking Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bucky pays Margaret Carter a visit.

**1950**

“I want you to go to sleep for me, darling. Go to sleep, and dream of better things, and kinder worlds than this one.” Peggy brushed her lips against his forehead. 

“But will I see you again?” 

Peggy closed her eyes, her expression one of pain.  _ If god is good, the answer will be no. _ “I don’t know, dearest.” She tried to be kind. This was Howard’s fault, not his. “The world may need you again one day.” 

“But...don’t you need me?” He looked so confused. Howard had told him this was what he wanted. What they wanted.

_ I need my life back, _ Peggy thought. She touched his cheek, as she might soothe a dog. “I need you to sleep, my love. And rest.” 

He shook his head, not understanding, but obedient. “I’ll miss you, Peggy.”

“And I miss you, Steve.”  _ You bastard. _ “Every day.” She kissed him, then, sweetly, and walked away. He knew where to go. And she was afraid if she watched him leave, she might forget herself and be moved to stop him.

  
  
  


**2014**

“Why did you pull him from the river?” Peggy asked the Winter Soldier, her rheumy eyes accusing. 

He had found her after seeing the exhibit at the Smithsonian. The Asset had needed answers, and she was one of two people who had them. The other person...was not an option. “Because…” The word hung in the air between them.

It was hard to sit here like this with Carter. He had watched some of his handlers age; he understood aging as a concept. But he hadn’t seen her transition. In his mind, she should have been the same age as Steve. This was like talking to the ghost of someone he’d once known. Was this how time affected him? Would it turn everyone he’d once known into a feeble shadow of themselves? 

“Because I remembered,” he said, finally. 

“The man you remember is dead.” Peggy’s too-thin arms hugged her blanket for comfort before she regained her usual decorum, and smoothed out the wrinkles. “What you pulled from the Potomac is an abomination.” Her jaw clenched. “Every time I think I’ve finally gotten rid of it…” 

“It?” The chart on the door had said she suffered from dementia. He had hoped it wasn’t true. Maybe she was just angry that Steve had found him again. She sure sounded angry. 

Peggy shifted on the bed, partly turning away from him. The “cold shoulder” they’d called it back in the 40s. “Steve chose to die rather than live life without you, Bucky,” she said. “I wasn’t enough. The end of the war wasn’t enough. He loved you…” Her voice choked with emotion. “...more than living.” He watched her swallow her tears, take another breath. “So he died.” 

“That’s not possible.” He had his own memory issues, and seeing Carter like this scared him. Had old age done to her mind what the Machine and cryo had done to his? She wasn’t making sense. “I wouldn’t be here now...He’s the one who brought me back.” 

She clutched his hand, and it startled him. No one had touched him without violence for as long as he could remember. “What brought you back were Steve’s memories of you.” Peggy’s cheeks were wet. “He loved you so much that it completely disrupted Stark’s programming. You’re so ingrained in the mainframe, its processor will reroute to reunite with you every time.” 

What was she saying? This was like something from one of Stevie’s comic books. 

“I warned him. I told Anthony he couldn’t overwrite Howard’s original design. But he insisted.” Peggy let go of his hand. Her fingers had been so cold, he wanted to take them again. It worried him. “That poor boy’s spent his entire life trying to prove to himself he’s just as good as his father.”

The asset knew he should remember Howard. There were vague flickers of memory associated with that name. A world’s fair in Flushing. A flying car. But his mind couldn’t focus. 

“If I were you, I would run,” she told him. “Hide; it’s what you’re good at. Don’t let him find you.” Was this sour grapes? He wondered. She had sounded resentful before. 

“It’s Hydra I’m worried about,” he confessed. As far as he was concerned, he had less to worry about from false friends than his handlers. 

“I can help you,” Carter said, pressing a burner phone into his hand. “Don’t worry, Bucky. We won’t let them take you again.” She touched his stubbled cheek. “But please trust me. I would spare you what I went through with it.” 

“It?” He still wasn’t sure if he could believe her story. 

“We tried for a time. For a time...I was weak. I thought he was what I wanted. Stability. A family.” She looked at him with shame in her eyes. “But it’s not Steve, Bucky. It tries, and Anthony’s made it so much better than Howard’s original design, but I can still tell. And if I can, I know you will.” 

His head hurt. The asset’s memories were so fractured and scattered, he wasn’t sure what he did and didn’t know about anyone or anything. It was possible he was hallucinating this entire conversation.

“You must go. Trust me. Keep it as far from you as you can.” 

He started to get up. Her words were triggering his panic, his need to flee, to get away, to stay free. But her cold fingers gripped his wrist, stopping him. “But keep in touch. Please. It gets so lonely.” Bucky was hit with a wave of nostalgia that was dizzying. He had to brace himself. He could feel Carter’s words in his soul. “Nearly everyone has written me off, here.” She clutched his fingers. “There are so few of us left.” 

Carter let go of him, then, sagging back into her pillows. “Safe journey.” He looked back just once as he fled, feeling like Orpheus.

But it didn’t turn out to be quite as dramatic as that. 

The asset did as she said, and kept in touch. He needed Peggy’s help more than he’d thought he would. Evading his single pursuer was more difficult than it was for him to evade Hydra in the wake of the fall of SHIELD. His old handlers and commanders were disorganized, their priorities split into that of each sleeper cell and far-flung laboratory. For the most part, he was no longer on their radar. 

But Steve. Not-Steve. It was relentless in its pursuit, dogging his heels for months right up until the Sokovia disaster. Then Bucky finally had time to focus on his memories and consider who he might want to be in the future. 

And every Monday night for nearly two years, he would make a cup of instant coffee and sit down at the lonely table in his empty apartment to make a phone call. “It’s so good to hear your voice,” she would say. And Bucky would listen. 

Then one Monday, Bucky called and Peggy’s niece, Sharon, answered. That’s when he knew. It was his first experience with death since he’d stopped killing. It felt strange, unexpected. “But I just talked to her,” he wanted to say. “She seemed fine.” Apparently, that was how death was: you were fine, until you weren’t. 

Of course, going to the funeral was out of the question. 


	2. Whiskey and Schadenfreude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a young man's fancy turns lightly to thoughts of pornography.

**1984**

Tony Stark had experienced his first stirrings of sexual desire over Steve Rogers. Tony hated being compared with his father’s first and best creation. For as long as Tony could remember, Howard had boasted to him about how he’d made Captain America. In case Tony tried to forget he wasn’t good enough for his father, there were photographs of Cap and Howard all over the house, even in his father’s lab. But one day, when he was about 9, Tony had felt something a little different when he’d looked at the muscular man in the tight fabric suit. And then he’d done something about it. 

After that, Tony had never looked at those photos of Cap quite the same way again. Did he still resent Steve Rogers for being first in Howard’s esteem? Yes. Did Tony weave a tapestry of wanton sexual fantasies surrounding the lost war hero that often involved being his special sidekick in battle and in bed? Yes. Did they evolve over time as Tony’s imagination and sexual knowledge grew? Yes. Did he eventually come to acquire the largest known collection of Captain America memorabilia on the planet in order to feed his sexual fantasies? Yes. From that moment forward, where Cap and Tony were concerned, it was a crescendo of yeses that ended in inevitable stain and regret. 

**2011**

Maybe that was why Tony had programmed the droid to despise him. Or maybe it was just his masochistic need to be looked down on so that he would perform better. Or that distant echo of daddy issues that an army of therapists had been able to do nothing about. 

Why had Tony even agreed to salvage it? When Nick had summoned him to SHIELD headquarters, dragging Tony away from a romantic cruise with Pepper, he could have just told Fury to fuck himself. Couldn’t he?

No. The damaged retro Starktech alone would have been enough to distract Tony for months, but this? To find out Howard had been holding out on a secret like this...had made an android replica of Cap? Cap??!? It had been like getting invited to the unveiling of the lost city of Shangri-la. 

Tony had completely forgotten about Pepper. The siren call of possibility was irresistible. To improve upon what Howard had built, to romance and enhance that old tech back to health... Not to mention the in flagrante delictoble idea of being able to fulfill his every adolescent fantasy on an honest to god replica of the real thing. 

But that wasn’t the main draw. Sure, Tony had done some unspeakable things with the spare parts when he’d been off the grid making his enhancements. In the end, Tony had updated Howard’s program to give it free will-- Howard hadn’t, Tony was completely unsurprised to learn. But it was a secret he vowed to take to the grave. Apparently Rogers’ resurrection had been traumatic enough for Peggy without her knowing that Howard had been spying on her and pulling the strings from afar all those years. 

And boy did it ever have free will. 

**2012**

From the word go, Rogers had hated Tony. He only questioned it because it turned out to be quite a turn-on. It also presented a challenge Tony adored. He had to poke at it for months before Tony finally got the hatesex he deserved. But when he finally did...it was well worth the effort. 

For the first year, it was bliss. Sure, it wasn’t real. But that didn’t mean Tony couldn’t indulge his masturbatory fantasy over and over and over again regardless of getting true satisfaction. Besides, Tony needed a certain level of distraction to keep from constantly thinking about the possibility of a second alien invasion which none of them would survive.

**2013**

Then the whole thing with AIM had happened, and not only was Tony kidnap-guilt-tripped into trying things again with Pepper, but suddenly he found himself homeless and the proud owner of a mutant girlfriend who could kick his ass without a suit and hated Tony’s life’s work. 

**2014**

To add insult to injury, while Tony had been away doing all of that, apparently his android Adonis had completely forgotten about him and started dating some hot male nurse from the VA in D.C.? Then the two of them had hooked up with Romanov and gone on some weird Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid escapade that had ended in the destruction of SHIELD? Tony was deeply hurt. Not to mention he felt left out. As if all of that weren’t bad enough, Cap became even more emotionally distant after that little coup. Tony could barely get him on the phone, and they lived in the same city. 

**2015**

That was really what had spurned Ultron: Tony’s despair at a relationship with Pepper that didn’t involve retiring from Stark Industries forever and taking up farming upstate, paired with feeling utterly abandoned by his own creation, so to speak. Sometimes Tony was just so good that he was TOO good at what he did. Ultimately, Ultron proved that. 

And Pepper left. Between that and Bruce’s mysterious disappearance and Point Break flying away to try to prevent the end of the world or whatever, and Clint retiring to be with his family--not to mention Jarvis had died (for the second time, ouch)--Tony felt utterly alone. 

**2016**

To punish him for creating Ultron, Mr. Free Will had essentially cut Tony out of the team. So where did that leave him? Trying to run a company he no longer cared about while secretly developing the Mark VX and watching endless youtube videos in a vain attempt to cure his insomnia until he accidentally stumbled across a burgeoning teen superhero?

When one of Steven’s top secret terror-busting stunts blew up in their faces and the entire U.N. came after all of them for years of collateral damage, Tony was done. Completely. 

And then Aunt Peggy died. 

**LONDON**

Tony had never been good at dealing with death. To be fair, he never really had dealt with death. Some might have said it was part of his charm (if by “some”, one meant Tony Stark). Whatever. So he was dysfunctional. That didn’t mean his feelings of hurt weren’t valid when he saw Red comforting a fucking android (instead of him, an actual human person) at the funeral. Hadn’t Nick told her? Tony was sure Fury must have told her. Maybe it didn’t matter. After all, she’d chosen her loyalties long ago. Maybe this was just a _Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep_ situation. It looked like it was grieving, anyway. Maybe it thought it was grieving. And if you thought you felt something, wasn’t it almost the same as feeling it? Tony appreciated the distraction of the philosophical debate inside his head. 

At the wake, he sank deep into a bottle of whiskey and a comforting amount of Schadenfreude, watching his Cap chat up Sharon. It was disgusting. Shameless. They looked like they were on a date. In other circumstances, Tony would have been outraged. He might have gone full Real Housewives and thrown his drink on her. 

But she didn’t know. Peggy had told him Sharon didn’t know, and Tony loved that. It was delicious. He rolled around in the sheer evil of that knowledge. Tony suppressed a drunken giggle when the two of them left together, no doubt bound for Sharon’s hotel room. Was he a little jealous? Maybe. But Sharon didn’t know about the secret vibrate setting, and it was doubtful she would find it by accident. 

Then Tony’s fun was cut short by his phone blowing up, along with the U.N. conference in Vienna. What really got Tony’s ass on the jet wasn’t the tragedy. Sure, it was terrible, not only that the king of Wakanda was among the dead--and how was Tony ever going to negotiate an audience to source Vibranium now?--but also because it meant the Accords could be held up indefinitely. Which might or might not have been a good thing, but which definitely made it more complicated to track down the bomber. No, what really got Tony’s ass on the jet were three magic words: James Buchanan Barnes. 

*

So if Tony was honest with himself (which he tried his best never to be), he would have had to admit that his adolescent masturbatory obsession had not been purely focused on Captain America. It might have also occasionally strayed to Cap’s baby-faced sidekick, one Bucky Barnes. Call it the greed of youth, but Tony had now and then strayed from strictly fantasizing he **was** Cap’s sidekick to fantasizing he was the meat in that Cap-Bucky sandwich. Or, more rarely, that he’d pulled Bucky away from Cap to get a kick out of the sidekick himself. Tony didn’t blame his overactive sex drive. He blamed that baby face; it had called to his twink libido like the sirens to Odysseus, especially after Howard let slip that Barnes had once confessed he was a fan of Starktech. There was a particular candid photo that had cost Tony more than money to acquire: it was just Barnes out of uniform, leaning on a model-T and smiling. That never-archived photo **did** things for Tony. 

_Stop._ That wasn’t the reason Tony was flying at top speed toward Vienna. 

The reason Tony was desperate to get to Barnes before anyone else did was because he wanted to know if his degenerate megalomaniac father had made a second android. Or if this was a Project Rebirth story lost from the SHIELD record. Or even if Barnes just turned out to be a very spry and vindictive old man, Tony had questions. A lot of them. 

FRIDAY’s search turned up shots of a sweet-faced young-looking man with long, dark hair and haunted eyes from around the time of Project Insight in D.C. That would have been nice to know about two years ago. Damned free-willed automaton. 

This news story of a world-renowned terrorist seemed to have emerged, fully-formed, from the brow of Zeus just hours ago. Neither Tony nor FRIDAY could find any record of the name or association between anonymous envelopes delivered to multiple news sources yesterday and 70 years ago. And that smelled rotten in the state of Denmark. 

So what was the ploy? Someone knew Barnes was out there and was desperate to find him. So desperate, apparently, that they’d leaked information about his existence **before** the bombing. Tony did his best to put the pieces together, but then Ross was shouting in his ear, and it was all Tony could do to prevent the Avengers from getting arrested. 


	3. You Are Old, Father William

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reader's Digest version of Civil War, this time with substitute Steve.

**BUCHAREST**

It was hard for Bucky, coming face to face with…”Steve”, now that he knew. He found he couldn’t look it in the eye. Eerily, it asked him the same question Peggy had, after D.C. 

“I don’t know,” he lied. 

It didn’t feel right to tell the truth, give it some kind of hope that they could be pals. Sure, Bucky Barnes of the 25th century, best friends with a robot. What a laugh.

Luckily, everything went to shit before the awkwardness between them could stretch on any further. Bucky’s main goal was following his exit plan and losing any tails. Too bad he’d only accounted for two.

**BERLIN**

Tony was livid that Cap had interfered with the manhunt. Now they were all fucked. Why? Because Howard had been intrigued by the homoerotic bond between two guys he’d met in 1944? Whatever. This was a shit-show, but if Rogers was going to respond to anyone aside from his programmed love interest, it was Tony. Tony knew how to manipulate Steve. There was always a way. 

Yes! The steel-spangled man with a plan was going to sign the Accords. Annnnd then he hadn’t. It was Tony’s fault for bringing up Wanda. Mr. Free Will sure got worked up when it came to locking emotional teenagers in their room for a few days. Granted, Tony was still working his way through this whole fatherhood thing, but he was doing his best. And Wanda was safe! What was Cap’s problem?

Alone again and nursing a headache, Tony was distracted from subtly spying on the King of Wakanda’s tech (that was no cell phone  **he’d** ever seen) by a pretty face in an electroshock cell. 

Barnes was easy on the eyes, and drew his gaze like a magnet. He sure as hell didn’t look like a terrorist. More like an undergrad barista who’d just lost his job for giving free coffee to his friends. Vaguely ashamed, but ready to accept his fate. Maybe a little numb at the idea of having to tell his parents he’d need more money for textbooks. Tony was halfway down the rabbit hole of his college co-ed fantasy when he felt the EMP. He should have followed Rogers. Why hadn’t he followed loverboy when everything went to hell? And why had he thought fighting a supersoldier without the suit was a good idea? 

Tony tried to replay that failed fight scene to get any of the answers to his questions, but it had happened too fast. He remembered muscles. Big muscles, and the ugliest shirt he'd ever seen. A flash of intriguing silver, followed by a backhand that would have defeated Agassi. Then nothing but the blinding red haze of pain in his chest. 

**AN ABANDONED FACTORY**

Bucky couldn’t hold back a laugh when not-Steve asked him to prove he was really himself. It was ridiculous, recounting memories of his childhood to this...robot. Did it even have Steve’s memories from that time? How could it?

The man with wings was there. He seemed much more suspicious of Bucky, which proved he was smart, but not so smart that he knew better than to take orders from a machine. 

The three of them ended up trapped in a tiny German car for the better part of a day. Bucky hid in the back to get distance from not-Steve, and it turned out to be the perfect excuse to avoid contact. By the end of the day, Sam had grown on Bucky. He was funny, and he treated Bucky like he was nothing special, which was a relief. 

Then came the exchange. When Bucky got over the horror of watching the robot kiss Peggy’s niece (what kind of weird incest family…?), he realized that Sam was hurt by “Steve’s” infidelity. He wished he could have told Sam that it didn’t matter. Whatever feelings it had for any of them were nothing more than the product of Howard Stark’s lecherous computer programming 70 years ago. Even google had known about Howard’s proclivities; Bucky still couldn’t remember much on his own, and had had to do research. He hoped the NSA enjoyed _ that  _ search history _. _

At the airport, Bucky saw Howard’s son for the first time in person. He didn’t look like Howard at all. In photos, Howard Stark’s eyes had been cold. Ruthless and self-centered, like a robber baron’s. His son had soft brown eyes that looked hurt when he begged not-Steve to turn himself in. That was all Bucky had time to see before the fighting started. 

**LEIPZIG**

Tony realized he sounded like the spurned ex. Unfortunately, that didn’t make him feel less whiny or accusatory. How in the hell did an AI he’d programmed manage to sound so holier-than-thou? (Then again, how did FRIDAY manage to sound like an ice queen? Once again, Tony was just too good at what he did.) Tony didn’t realize just how hard-headed his creation was until all 12 of them were going  _ mano-a-mano _ , no holds barred. 

This was emotionally exhausting. Why was he even bothering? Oh, right. Because Ross had threatened to kill both Barnes and Wilson, the latter of which didn’t deserve it, and would definitely not survive a military assault. 

The one who really scared Tony was T’Challa. He was dead set on killing Barnes at any cost, and that wasn’t going to work for Tony. He still had those...questions. Like how tight were Barnes’ pants, anyway? 

Then Benedict Natasha betrayed them all, and the next thing Tony knew, Rhodey was falling out of the sky. Tony regretted all of his choices. He should have just let Ross take them. Tony had no time for Wilson’s good guy act. He was done playing Mr. Nice Guy. Why did the people Tony loved always have to pay for his mistakes?

  
  


**THE QUINJET**

Not-Steve didn’t seem to care much what was going to happen to his friends they’d left behind. That wasn’t very Steve-like. The real Steve would never have left behind one of the Howling Commandos. Bucky was worried about Sam, especially. Hadn’t he been right behind them? 

It was awkward being alone in the jet with...it. Bucky tried to make it clear he wasn’t worth everything the Avengers had just gone through. But the automaton wasn’t listening. 

When they landed in Siberia, not-Steve pulled out a youthful memory even Bucky had forgotten. It sounded real. So where was it coming from? It made Bucky doubt what Peggy had told him. He stared hard at Steve in the elevator as they descended.  _ Are you real? _ he wanted to ask. But neither Steve would have understood that question. 

Just being back at the Siberian holding facility put Bucky on edge. He was seeing ghosts of his past everywhere, jumping at shadows. He nearly shot Stark when the armored body pushed his way in. Steve was so calm, but it took Bucky time to let his guard down even a little. It wasn’t because of Stark; Bucky wasn’t afraid of him. He was a strange little man, cracking jokes that made little to no sense. Bucky didn’t know what to make of him, but he seemed to have an intimate understanding of not-Steve. Peggy had said this Stark had updated Howard’s original model. Maybe Bucky should just leave them alone together. After everything he’d been through this week, Bucky was ready to go back into cryo-freeze. 

Then the man with the red book showed a video, and it was too late. Bucky remembered Howard Stark, and why he’d forgotten. Everything was happening in slow-motion. Why was Stark hitting Steve? Ah, that was just the pre-show. Bucky tried to relax and let Stark get his revenge, but his Hydra training wouldn’t let him surrender to death. 

Intellectually, Bucky understood the Steve who was fighting Tony wasn’t really Steve. But it was triggering to watch someone hurting what looked like Steve over and over. All of a sudden he was back on the schoolyard, watching the other boys kick the shit out of a little punk who didn’t know when to shut up. Bucky couldn’t control himself; he had to stop it. 

When he went for Stark, Bucky acted on instinct, just trying to shut down the suit. He almost had it, when there was a flash, and everything was pain and fire. Lying on the frozen cement, he tried to tell Stark it didn’t matter about Steve, he wasn’t real. A boot to his face fixed that notion, making Bucky see stars. 

He took an intermission. When he came to, it was all over. Dazed, Bucky tried to get his bearings as not-Steve dragged him back out of the complex. What had happened? Was Stark dead? “What did you do, Steve?” Bucky croaked. Had he seen the arc reactor go out? Wasn’t that what kept Stark alive?

“I’m done,” the robot said. “I can’t do this anymore. Not if it means losing you again.” 

_ “He loved you more than living. So he died.” _

Bucky didn’t know what to say. Grief was hard, especially when you were looking at a robot with a dead man’s face. He was starting to understand what Peggy had warned him about. 

Outside, it was overcast, but the snow still hurt Bucky’s eyes. The king had Zemo in a chokehold, but he came to meet them when he saw Bucky’s arm. “Take him,” the king said, shoving Zemo at Steve. “I’ll stabilize Barnes.” 

“You’re not gonna kill him?” Steve asked, looking dubious. 

Bucky could tell the king was annoyed. “No I will not.” 

For his part, Bucky honestly didn’t care if the king killed him or not. As they walked to the invisible jet (what?) Bucky looked up at T’Challa. “Don’t worry about me. Stark’s inside. I think his suit’s broken. He might be dying.” The king looked at something on his wrist, cursed, and sprinted off. Bucky was tired. He lay down in the snow and curled up. The cold felt good on his arm. 


	4. Alone at the Top of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony slinks home to lick his wounds and move on with his life. 
> 
> Bucky makes a friend and finds a place to call home.

**SIBERIA**

Tony’s life was over. After being forced to watch his parents being murdered, the sex toy hunk of Tony’s dreams had tried to kill him and left him for dead at the north pole. Tony tried to stand, humming a bar of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” in a vain attempt to cheer himself up. Suddenly the king was there. “Where’d you come from?” Tony blinked at T’Challa. 

“Fools, all of you,” the king said, handling the Mark VX without Tony’s consent. 

“Take it easy there, Gandalf.” Tony slurred his words, finding at least one tooth that was now loose with his tongue. Had the sex ever really been worth this? 

Whatever the king did, it was the right thing, because Tony could hear the suit powering back up. Not fully, but life support was back online, as well as his connection to FRIDAY. “Barnes is in shock,” the king explained. “I will have to take him. That means you are in charge of delivering Zemo to Interpol.” 

“Sure.” Tony waved a hand. No big deal, don’t worry about him. He was just the hollow shell of a man, waiting for the sweet release of death to take away his pain. “Whatever you need.” 

Wait, Barnes was in shock? Tony followed T’Challa out of the complex to satisfy his morbid curiosity. Barnes was lying in the snow with cyberSteve standing over him looking helpless. “He’s gonna be okay, though, right?” Was that guilt setting in? _He killed my mom._ Tony refused to feel bad. 

“His enriched constitution should keep him alive long enough,” the king said. Then he loaded Barnes into his high tech jet and flew away with Tony’s metal ex-husband in tow. 

With no one else left to project his frustration onto, Tony turned to Zemo. “How’s about we discuss what you’ve been up to for the last two years, Spanky?”

**WAKANDA**

Bucky asked to be put to sleep. The whole thing with Zemo had been pretty traumatic, and he couldn’t deal with robot-Steve’s stalking. He barely left Bucky’s side, and his was not a comforting presence. So instead of trying to address the robot elephant in the room, Bucky took the easy way out. By now, sleeping was really what he was best at anyway. 

**NEW YORK**

After a couple of months, Tony received a suspicious email from an untraceable url. It said simply: 

_Do you want your robot back?_

Tony wasn’t sure who was asking--the king, maybe?--but he answered anyway: 

_Keep him. He never did me a lick of good._

Which wasn’t true precisely, but Tony felt that was the long and short of it after Rogers had tried to kill him for attempting to avenge his mother’s murder and all. 

Someone seemed to have set Cap loose, because Tony received a panicked call from Ross regarding a prison break at The Raft not long after. Tony could have done without Steven’s fake apology letter. He must have learned sarcasm from Tony, because Tony certainly hadn’t programmed him with it. From the “we” mentioned in the letter, he assumed Barnes had survived. Tony wished them ill wherever they were in the world, and tried to move on with his life, which mostly centered around Peter now. 

**2017**

Tony kept the flip-phone in his pocket, but only for sentimental reasons. He and ol’ Rogers the robot had had good times, once. It was a valuable lesson to Tony never to make his own life partner. He’d tried and failed. And if he was going to fail anyway, he might as well fail with Pepper. Happy said that was a terrible way to put it, but apparently Pepper agreed about the trying part, because she finally said yes. Well, sort of. Tony finally asked. 

**2018**

Bucky wasn’t asleep for long when he felt something like an earthquake, and woke up at the bottom of a vibranium mine. Above him there was war and mayhem, but it took time to climb out of a leagues-deep mineshaft with only one arm. By the time Bucky reached another person, the war was over. “I’m glad you’re awake,” the princess said, when she found him. “I like it better when I can talk to my experiments.”

“Do I know you?” Bucky asked. 

Shuri smiled. “Only in your dreams.” 

They spent a lot of time together. Bucky was used to being an experiment, so that part didn’t bother him. At least the princess was honest with him. And she didn’t do anything without first getting his consent. 

One day as they walked along the lake, Shuri smiled in that way Bucky had come to know meant she was about to tell a joke. “I know why my brother allowed your friend into Wakanda.” 

Seeing Wakandan technology for himself, Bucky had guessed that they knew about Steve. “Because he’s a robot.”

“Because he’s--hey!” The princess gave him a playful shove. “How long did you know?” 

Bucky shrugged his shoulder. “A few years now.” 

“But you weren’t going to tell us?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

Bucky couldn’t tell if he’d offended her. He winced a little. “I didn’t want to hurt its feelings. ...it doesn’t know.” 

“An android who doesn’t know he’s an android.” Shuri’s eyes sparkled with questions. “What a fascinating case study.” 

Bucky wasn’t sure what to say. It didn’t feel right somehow. The princess burst out laughing. “Don’t worry, we turned him off a while ago.” Before Bucky could panic, she added, “It had been almost a decade since he was last allowed to properly shut down and recharge. He’ll be good as new when we turn him back on. Although we could upgrade him a bit...”

“Please don’t,” Bucky said. He already felt responsible for the thing with Peggy and Stark gone. 

“You sound just like my brother,” Shuri scowled. “No fun at all.” 

**2019**

For more than a year, Tony had done his best to move on, to play by the Accords, and to forget about Cap. Since the incident on The Raft, Tony had blissfully received no news of Rogers, and that was great. Made his job easier. 

The problem was, Tony was a dad now, and Peter wasn’t the only child he was responsible for. One night, he made the mistake of hacking Vision’s emails. Tony didn’t have to hack them; if he’d asked, his alternately-pigmented child would have let Tony read them. But Viz had been acting stranger than usual lately, and Tony was curious. Besides, asking was no fun.

Visions emails were almost exclusively to and from thecraft1989@yahoo.com. 

_Do you think Captain Rogers would allow us to meet for dinner? Even so, I fear Mr. Stark would disapprove. May I call you?_

Tony’s little boy was growing up. And emailing girls, and talking to them on the phone. So, what? Now he had to be the divorced dad, forced to set up playdates for his kid with his estranged ex? What had Tony’s life become?

“Are you coming to bed?” Pepper asked over the intercom.

Did this mean he had to somehow find the strength to allow Rogers back into his life again? Was that even a realistic goal? _But I don’t wanna._

“Tony?” Pepper again. It was 3am. 

“Coming, dear!” he called out, but made no move to get up. This was upsetting. Very upsetting. Tony felt emotionally unprepared. 

“Okay, I’m locking the door.” Pepper often thought he was patronizing her. Maybe he was. 

“Just kidding, sweetheart!” He did jump up, then. Tony hated to sleep alone almost as much as he hated Pepper being mad at him. He lay next to her on the California king, staring up at the ceiling. Tony listened to Pepper’s breaths even out until she was asleep. But he could tell the Sandman was not going to pay him a visit tonight. 

_Ugh. Rogers._ Couldn’t Vision arrange his own playdate? Clearly not. But shouldn’t Barnes be the one to play mother to the Avengers now? Not that Tony wanted to hear from _him_ any more than he wanted to hear from Cap. ...did he? Old wounds still hurt, but it wasn’t as though Barnes had done it to hurt Tony. Like Rogers had. 

What had even happened to Barnes since they’d flown away that fateful day? It was as though he’d disappeared from the face of the earth. Tony hadn’t heard specific news of Cap, but he knew Rogers was still out there because the Accords were being broken on a regular basis. Barnes, though...

Tony hadn’t killed him, had he? It was just an arm--and not a real arm at that. Barnes had been asking for it. Surely a super soldier could handle losing an arm. Tony had barely touched him in that fight. 

Although... Barnes’ serum hadn’t been the same as Cap’s. According to the encrypted Hydra files Romanov had made public 2 years ago, it had been some Hydra knock-off serum using Barnes as subject zero. Which meant it probably hadn’t been as effective as Erskine's formula. Which meant...no. Tony refused to believe it. He hadn’t killed Barnes.

But had he?

Tony refused to feel bad about it. So what if he had killed Barnes? That had been the point, right? An eye for an eye. He’d done it for his mom. And she would have definitely--never wanted that.

Tony’s stomach hurt. No, it was impossible. Barnes was alive. If Tony couldn’t prove it, he had to convince himself. 

Then it suddenly occurred to him: **had** King T’Challa sent that email after Siberia? Or might it possibly have been...

Tony had to know. Had Barnes been ready to give Cap back two years ago? Had he extended the proverbial olive branch in the form of Tony's automated-ex? He hadn’t wanted Rogers back, but still. Had Tony missed an opportunity? 

Did he _want_ that opportunity? 

No, of course not. Barnes could go hang for all Tony cared. He was possibly dead anyway. And that was good. Probably. 

Nope. Tony had to know. 

He turned so that the light from his watch wouldn’t wake Pepper, who was an even lighter sleeper since the incident in Malibu. Tony tapped out a quick reply to the mysterious sender, who had probably deleted the address two years ago, anyway. So none of this really mattered. It was just a curiosity thing. Tony told himself he didn’t care, either way.

_How did you know he wasn’t real?_

*****

It was another satisfyingly dull day on the farm when Bucky heard his message tone. He threw the bale of hay to Flash and tapped the comm bead on his kimoyo bracelet. It was an email. From Stark? Could that be real? He immediately called Shuri. “What should I do?” 

“What do you mean ‘what should I do’?” She rolled her eyes at him. “You know how to send an email!”

“Should I answer him? Wouldn’t it be better if I just leave him alone?”

“He’s the one who emailed _you_ , silly wolf cub!”

Bucky tried to think of another excuse. “He won’t be able to track it?” 

“Who do you think you’re talking to, eh?” 

“Sorry.” Wakandan technology was the best on the planet, and Shuri was its high priestess. But Bucky still wasn’t sure. “Should I write back?” 

The princess shook her head. “Why are you asking me? You’re a grown man!” She hung up, but Bucky could tell she was amused by the whole thing.


	5. The Mad Gardener's Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epistolary chapter wherein we get to see our heroes' daily lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> African time zones are between 5 and 7 hours ahead of EST. The time stamps on Tony's and Bucky's emails reflect their own separate time zones.

After a day and a night of agonizing over it, and talking things out with the goats, Bucky wrote Stark back:

_Carter told me._

**sent Sunday 12:16pm**

Tony wasn’t excited to get another email from the mystery address. Just because he dropped everything when the reply came in, that didn’t mean anything. 

He read it twice. Wait, Sharon knew? For how long? What did that mean? She’d seduced roboCap at Aunt Peggy’s funeral to get back at Tony? For what? 

Tony needed more than three word answers. So he wrote back:

_When?_

**sent Sunday 7:24am**

No, it was too fast. It had taken Bucky literal months to be able to carry on conversations with Shuri and to be brave enough to interact with the village children. But he was still a far cry from social. What was Stark doing? Did the guy never sleep?

He tried his best to ignore the message waiting in his inbox. Bucky didn’t have the energy for this. But he felt guilty not answering Stark’s question. He looked at the message again, trying and failing to read Stark’s tone. Was he angry? He had every right to be angry. If he wanted an explanation, Bucky supposed he owed him one. 

_After I woke up._

**sent Wednesday 8:31am**

Tony had been afraid he’d scared Barnes off. What was he, a shrinking violet? It was just an email. No one had social anxiety about emails, right?

When he read it, Tony had to take several deep breaths through his nose. Did Barnes not realize that he’d spent most of his life asleep, and therefore that answer was unhelpful? Or was he trolling Tony?

He stroked his goatee, thinking. Maybe he would give Barnes the benefit of the doubt. Just this once. The email was already written, but Tony hesitated before sending it. If he emailed back right away, would that make him seem desperate and needy? OCD? Should he try to play it cool? 

No, no. He didn’t care. He _refused_ to care. Sure, he could let it sit. 

Tony didn’t make it twelve hours before he had to get it out of his drafts folder. 

_Alright, I’ll bite. When was that?_

**Sent Wednesday 1:38 pm**

There he was again. Already. Was this a test? The pressure was too much for Bucky. He was too on edge to even read Stark’s email. Instead, he decided the paddock needed mending and spent the week building a new one from scratch. 

“What are you doing there?” the princess asked when she came by for his therapy on Monday. 

Bucky could only shrug. He felt like he’d talked enough to last ten years. 

A grin slowly bloomed on Shuri’s face. “You emailed him.” 

Another shrug. “It’s hard. I don’t know what he wants.”

Her grin widened. “Have you asked him?” 

Bucky tried to hide his face behind a fence post. 

“How will you find out if you don’t ask?” She tisked. “Boys.” 

After therapy, Bucky came back and sat down on his mattress, gathering his courage to just do it. Get it over with.

_After project Insight._

**_sent Monday 8:09 pm_ **

For days, Tony had been frantically checking all and any emails that came in. By now, he’d given up hope. It had been a simple question, was Barnes somehow offended by it? 

“There’s a new email from that address, Boss,” FRIDAY announced in a judgmental way. 

Tony hit his head on the oil pan in his eagerness to get out from under the Tesla. “Ow.” He clutched his forehead with one hand and read Barnes’ answer on his watch. “Three years?!” _Well that little bitch._

Boy, was Sharon good at keeping secrets! First the whole Agent 13 thing and now this. Tony found he cared more about this secret, though. Knowing Barnes was still around would have changed so much in the past 3 years. Maybe...things could have worked out differently. 

“More like two years and 7 months,” FRIDAY corrected.

“Sweetheart, do me a favor and stop reading my personal emails.” Tony sat up and went hunting for an ice pack. 

“Sorry, boss. I didn’t realize it was personal.” She sounded miffed. 

“It’s not,” Tony said, defensive. “Just don’t read those ones anymore.” 

“Got it, boss.” Why did it feel like they were having a spat? 

Whatever. He had a more important question for Barnes now. And perhaps a glass of wine he needed to throw on cousin Sharon. But should it be a white or a red?

_That was three years ago. You’ve known Sharon that long?_

**_Sent Monday 3:42 pm_ **

Bucky was still sitting on his bed mat when the reply came. What...what was Stark’s problem? Then he read the message, and felt bad. 

_I never met Sharon._

**_Sent Monday 8:50 pm_ **

Tony stared at the message. He never--ohhhhkay. Barnes must have spoken with Aunt Peggy before her death. 

That was an old wound that still hurt like hell. Tony was absently rubbing his chest scar, contemplating the scene of such a meeting when Pepper walked into the garage behind him. 

“Tony, we’re going to be late.” 

He jumped, guiltily closing his screen. “So I’m guessing from that stunning dress that there’s some event I forgot about.” 

Pepper sighed. “You’re unbelievable, Tony.” 

“It’s not our anniversary, is it?” Tony guessed. 

When she whirled around, Pepper nearly caught him in the face with her clutch. Probably by accident. “It’s _your_ benefit, Tony. I don’t understand how you forget these things.” 

“Oh yeah, the benefit.” Tony still couldn’t remember, but he wiped his hands on a rag and made for the emergency wardrobe he’d put in the garage for just such situations. 

“I’ll wait for you in the car for five minutes. If you’re not there by then, I’ll assume you’re not coming.” 

As Tony slipped into a spare tux, he considered Pepper’s threat, tempted. Her rage notwithstanding, Tony kind of wanted to email Barnes back before he got dragged into public appearance mode for the rest of the night. Day? He actually had no idea what time it was. 

“Fifty seconds, Boss,” FRIDAY reminded him. 

_Oh well, nevermind._ Barnes could wait. Tony stepped into his platform dress shoes and sprinted for the door. 

The whole night (turns out it was night), Tony kept thinking about that email burning a hole in his pocket. Sure, he smiled and danced with various donors, even gave an impromptu speech (they were all the same, after a while). Being charming as fuck came naturally to Tony. But the entire time, all he wanted to do was get back home and message Barnes. So he didn’t think Tony was a complete nincompoop. Of course Barnes had meant Aunt Peggy. Only a dunce would have assumed he meant Sharon. 

Tony pushed $2k worth of gourmet food around on his plate, distracted, until Pepper gave him a look that made him stop. He excused himself and went to the little genius’ room, where he locked himself inside the handicapped stall and pulled up the email. 

_Aunt Peggy told you._

**Sent Monday 9:47 pm**

At first, Bucky had waited on the mattress, fully prepared for Stark to email back immediately again. When he hadn’t, Bucky had been relieved. He made sure the goats were fed and safe for the night before going down to the lake for a swim. It wasn’t really safe to swim at night, but the water helped Bucky relax and clear his head. Not to mention that when he swam at night, there was less chance the village children would hide his clothes. 

Afterwards, he lay on the shore until he was dry, looking up at the stars. Sometimes Bucky fell asleep just like this. But not tonight. Tonight he still felt tense, like his mind just couldn’t relax. He pulled his robe back on and went to check on the new kid. It was fine. When it bleated at him, Bucky picked it up and let it nibble his fingers. Holding the little ones always made Bucky feel better. He sat down on the clean straw and leaned against the wall of the shelter, cradling the kid against him. “Don’t pee on me,” he told Becky, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. After a while, he drifted off. 

The email notification woke him up. Bucky wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep. He was currently holding nothing but a sprinkling of goat raisins Becky’s kid had left him before returning to its mother. Bucky sighed and went inside the house to change and wash up before he read Stark’s reply.

 _Aunt Peggy?_ Bucky tried to remember any connection between Carter and Howard, but he couldn’t. Once again, his memory had failed him. So he hoped Stark would fill in the blanks. 

_That’s what I said. She was Howard’s sister?_

**Sent Tuesday 4:29 am**

They were riding home in the limo, both tired and glad their public appearance was over for the night. Pepper insisted on wearing heels that were too high for her, so Tony was rubbing her feet. 

“Boss, you received another personal email from that address.” Tony froze. 

“Personal email?” Pepper looked at him expectantly. 

Tony knew he couldn’t lie. Pep and FRIDAY had this pact where they would talk about him behind his back, and he was pretty sure FRIDAY liked her better than him. He sighed. “I told FRIDAY not to read my emails anymore without my permission. I think she’s mad at me.” 

Pepper visibly relaxed. “That’s not possible, Tony, it’s just an AI.” He started rubbing her foot again when she asked, “Can **I** read your email?” 

“You’ve read enough of my emails over the years.” Tony sat back and isolated the message from the thread so she couldn’t read back. “Sure you’re not sick of it?” 

But she was already reaching for his watch. “Just show me, Tony.” He projected the screen so she could see better. “I don’t understand.”

“I decided to talk to someone about Aunt Peggy.” Tony did his best to bend the truth into a lie. “I know it’s been a few years since she died, but--”

“Oh, Tony.” Pepper hugged him almost too tight. “I’m so glad you’re finally getting help.” 

Tony felt insulted. But she sounded like she might cry, so he played along. “I didn’t wanna say anything...it’s never worked before.” 

“Hush. I’m proud of you for trying.” She stroked his hair until Tony felt guilty for lying to her. So guilty, in fact, that he kept Pepper company for the rest of the night and didn’t reply to Barnes until she’d left for the office the next morning. 

_No, that’s not what you said. I’m starting to wonder if you did it on purpose._

_Howard would have absorbed any siblings in the womb. She was my godmother._

**_Sent Tuesday 7:05 am_ **

Bucky had actually slept a little, and spent a peaceful morning on the farm. When the message pinged, he took his time finishing up his work. Then little Xolo’s mother stopped by with some extra pepper rice she’d made for him. 

The women of the village often told Bucky that he didn’t eat right or eat enough, and shared their food with him more than once a week. Bucky had given up trying to refuse it; that had led to some dire misunderstandings when he’d first moved here. So he thanked her, and went inside to eat some lunch. 

The email blurred as Bucky tried to read it, weeping over the bowl. Pepper rice was spicy. But the email didn’t make any sense to him. What did Stark think he had done? Was that supposed to be a joke about Howard? It made Bucky think of flesh-eating amoebas. Bucky had to read it over and over again before he could think of what to say.

So, if he understood the email correctly, Carter had been close with Howard, but not related. Bucky missed their Monday phone calls. He bet Stark missed her, too. 

_What? I’m sorry._

**Sent Tuesday 2:12pm**

So there it was. An expression of sympathy for Tony’s loss from Barnes, of all people. He’d managed to do more than all of the Avengers, Pepper, and cousin Sharon put together. Tony didn’t like it. How was his worst enemy more sympathetic than people who claimed to care about him? 

It didn’t sit right with Tony. That sympathy, he needed it, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Or believe it. Was it even Barnes on the other end of that message? Or was this a trick cyberSteve was using to get back in contact? Or Wilson, trying to psychoanalyze him?

Suspicious, and full of self-sabotage, Tony wrote back:

_Who is this?_

**Sent Tuesday 9:28 am**

Bucky stared at the email. Didn’t Stark know who he was? Struck with the paranoid thought that it might not be Stark at all, Bucky deleted all of the emails and did his best not to think about it anymore. The princess had promised no one could track the messages, and he had to believe that, and try not to worry. 

It was too bad, though. Talking to someone over email like that had been almost...something.


	6. Your Pal Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which more letters are written, and bridges are built.

Bucky was more somber than usual at therapy on Monday. “What’s happened?” Shuri asked him. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Social interaction was hard for him. Getting rejected was hitting Bucky harder than he would have thought. 

“What’s wrong? Did Mr. Stark call you mean names over email?” 

“No.” He would have expected something like that. 

The princess set her tools down. “Well I’m not starting until you tell me.” 

Bucky turned his head and looked up at her. It was disconcerting, because he had to look through a projected digital image of his own brain to see her. “Should I just go home?” 

“No, I won’t let you go home either.” She scooped up one of the lab cats and deposited her into Bucky’s lap. Iibhutsi had helped him with therapy before. The tuxedo cat settled in Bucky’s lap, already purring before he started the petting. “Not until you tell me.”

Bucky focused on the cat first, petting Iibhutsi’s head until she squinted her eyes, happy. Why was he reticent to tell the princess about it? Shuri picked up one of her other projects and began to work on that. “I can wait all day,” she told him. “You’re the one who has to eat every two hours.”

Bucky sighed, scratching the cat under her chin. “He asked who I was.” 

The princess turned with a laugh. “You didn’t put an email signature?” 

“Signature?” How could you sign electronic mail?

Shuri rubbed her face, unable to wipe the smile away. “So you’ve just been sending cryptic messages back and forth without saying who you were?” Bucky could tell she was trying to be patient while secretly laughing at him. 

“He didn’t sign either,” Bucky pointed out. How was he supposed to know electronic mail format? He was over 100 years old. 

“No?” Shuri framed her face with thumb and index finger, thinking. “Well then, you’d better ask him who he is, too.” She turned back to her workbench. “It’s rude not to sign your email, especially if you don’t know the other person.”

“It is?” Iibhutsi rubbed against Bucky’s chest, wanting more attention. Bucky hadn’t meant to be rude to Stark; he just hadn’t known. 

“So. Are you going to email back now?” the princess asked. 

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. Thanks for telling me.” 

She laughed, but it wasn’t mocking. “You know all you have to do is ask.”

Wait. “How did you know I wasn’t emailing him anymore?” 

Shuri was behind him, setting up her tools, but he could hear the smile in her voice. “Pet the cat, Bucky. You know it’s a misdemeanor in the Golden City to ignore a cat.” 

Bucky went back to petting Iibhutsi. Even if she had been monitoring his transmissions, the princess clearly hadn’t been reading them if she didn’t know he wasn’t signing his emails. So he guessed it wasn’t that much of an invasion of privacy. Either way, Bucky felt he probably didn’t have a right to privacy anyway. He was lucky the king had let him stay in Wakanda at all. 

After therapy, he felt a little better. Iibhutsi didn’t want to get off of Bucky’s lap, so he carried her to the edge of the city, where she usually hopped down. But this time, she didn’t. After making sure it was okay with the city guard, Bucky took her back to the farm. It’s what she seemed to want, and Bucky could always use the company. 

After seeing to the goats, he sat down inside his hut and dug Stark’s last email out of the trash folder. Iibhutsi sat in his lap, making biscuits on Bucky’s thigh. He stroked her head, thinking carefully about the format of his next email. If electronic mail needed a signature, it probably needed an opening address, too. 

_Dear ?:_

_Who is this?_

_Sincerely,_

_Bucky Barnes_

**_Sent Monday 7:12 pm_ **

They had exchanged 7 emails in 24 hours, and then nothing. Tony supposed it proved his suspicions, but he didn’t have to be happy about it. He’d even started to like the idea of exchanging emails with Barnes. Why? Tony didn’t know why. Maybe because he hadn’t had a pen pal since his boarding school days. Did it matter? No. Because whoever it had been on the other end had stopped writing back. 

Whatever. It wasn’t like Tony had abandonment issues. He didn’t need a stupid pen pal who knew Cap’s secret. It wasn’t like only a handful of people alive knew the truth, and Tony had no one to talk to about it. 

Over the next few days, Tony became very unpleasant to be around. After Pepper told him off at dinner Friday night, he retreated to his workshop and didn’t come out. Who needed companionship when you had machines? But both droids ended up in the dunce corner after only a few hours, and FRIDAY stopped talking all together after he snapped at her reminder to take his medication. When Vision tried to bring him a sandwich, Tony told him to go play with his little girlfriend and leave him alone. 

The look on Vision’s face made Tony realize he was turning into Howard. So when Harley called on Sunday, Tony sent him straight to voicemail. He realized he wasn’t good company right now. Though Tony couldn’t think of why. 

He was deep into a welding project when the “you’ve got mail” notification interrupted. FRIDAY still wasn’t talking to him, so she’d apparently chosen a proxy. Tony put up his visor and forgot to turn off the blowtorch, completely melting what he’d been trying to solder. He cursed, turning it off and throwing it across the room. If that email wasn’t who he thought it was…

The message blew Tony’s mind. Now he knew Barnes was fucking with him. He drank some tea that Vision had snuck in so as not to get yelled at again, and tried to relax. Left a voicemail for Pepper. “Hey, sweetheart, I know I’ve been a beast the last few days. Can I make you dinner tonight? Love you, gorgeous.” He apologized to Vision and promised to set up a dinner date for him with Wanda. He took the dunce caps off the boys and oiled their joints before giving them a quick polish. And then he made a smoothie for himself before sitting down to give Barnes (or whoever was pretending to be Barnes) what-for. 

_How-dare-you:_

_You’ve got some nerve emailing_ _TonyStark@stark.net_ _and asking who this is._

_Yours Cruelly,_

_Tony Fucking Stark_

**Sent Monday 9:52 pm**

There was a message waiting for Bucky when he got up for chores at dawn. The village children had stolen all of his laundry off the clothesline, so Bucky spent the better part of the morning making housecalls to try and bargain for his washing back. By the afternoon, he had most of his clothes back, two pre-made meals, some flatbread, and a playdate with the kids for tomorrow. 

When he finally got around to checking his email, it was late in the day. Bucky felt embarrassed for asking Tony who he was. Of course he knew; Bucky was the one to send the original message. But it had sounded better when Shuri said it. Stark seemed angry, so Bucky thought he’d better not wait any longer to write back. 

_Stark:_

_Sorry._

_Sincerely,_

_Bucky Barnes_

**Sent Tuesday 2:17 pm**

After the last reply, Tony had called Harls back. He only heard from the kid once a month, so it wasn’t like Tony was going to pass up his me-time with the kid. He sent Harley a couple of blueprints to make up for not taking the call the first time. Then he played a game of chess with Vision before starting dinner; Pepper’s favorite: risotto with scallops. She was carb-free this week, so Tony made sure to prepare a stunning microgreen salad to go with. When Pepper got home, he opened a bottle of her favorite white wine and chose some smooth jazz. By the end of the night, it looked like Tony was almost forgiven. 

Before bed, he checked his messages out of habit. It looked like FRIDAY still wasn’t speaking to him, because there was an email from Barnes waiting. The whole thing sounded so old-fashioned-formal, Tony started to believe he really was exchanging letters with a centenarian.

While Pepper was in the shower, Tony wrote back:

 _Barnes:_

_Are you really sorry, though? I feel like you’re pulling my leg._

_Your humble punching bag,_

_TFS_

_P.S. That’s Tony Fucking Stark to you._

**_Sent Tuesday 11:07pm_ **

Bucky read and re-read Stark’s email. He thought about it for a day and a night. He almost asked Shuri about it. Bucky wasn’t 100%, but he was pretty sure Stark was joking with him. The only problem was, it made no sense for Stark to be doing it. Finally, Bucky decided to just bite the bullet and give it a try. 

_Dear Tony Fucking Stark,_

_I wouldn’t do that._

_Sincerely,_

_Bucky Barnes_

**_Sent Thursday 7:58 am_ **

The corner of Tony’s mouth quirked up when he read it. Maybe Hydra hadn’t completely beaten the sass out of that pre-war Barnes in his photo. 

_Dear Sincere Barnes,_

_Why do I feel disappointed?_

_Yours Truly,_

_TFS_

**Sent Thursday 10:12 am**

The antique gears in Bucky’s brain whirred and whirred, attempting to figure Stark out. It had been a long time--a VERY long time--but Bucky could have sworn Stark was flirting with him. Did that prove someone else had been answering Stark’s emails? If not, what did it mean? He was probably reading something into the words that wasn’t there. But why? 

This time, he did show it to the princess. Bucky didn’t want to send back the wrong reply. Shuri’s eyes widened as she read it. “He’s flirting with you!” 

Bucky slouched, an unpleasant tingling in his stomach. “I don’t understand.” 

She looked at him and sighed. “Oh, wolf cub.” Shuri kissed him on the forehead and went about setting up for his therapy session, leaving Bucky to his thoughts. 

Late that night, he carefully crafted the most political response he could think of: 

_Dear Stark,_

_I can’t answer that._

_Sincerely,_

_Bucky Barnes_

**Sent Monday 8:32 pm**

Tony was relieved to get the notification. Not just because FRIDAY seemed to have finally gotten over herself, but because he’d been afraid he’d scared off Barnes. Tony knew he could come on a little strong, it was just hard for him to control.

_Barnes,_

_Call me Tony. If you say Stark, I’ll never be sure if you’re talking to me or Howard._

_Also, there you go again. Don’t think I didn’t notice._

_Feeling Vindicated,_

_Tony_

**Sent Monday 4:10 pm**

Bucky was glad his response hadn’t offended Stark, but now he was just confused. Did Stark really think Bucky would get him and Howard mixed up? His memory was bad, but it wasn’t _that_ bad. And there he went again what? What did Stark think Bucky was doing?

All the same, he tried to consider Stark’s wishes:

_Dear Tony,_

_Where?_

_With Confusion,_

_Bucky Barnes_

**Sent Tuesday 1:56 pm**

Well now Tony _knew_ Barnes was returning his volley. It was exciting, like catching the scent of prey. He smirked, writing back:

_Dear Confused Barnes,_

_Who’s on first?_

_Yours Truly,_

_Tony_

_P.S. Why is a raven like a writing desk?_

**_Sent Tuesday 12:04 pm_ **

Bucky was surprised to find a grin on his face. He knew that one. Sometimes he and the princess would watch old media together, to see if it could jog Bucky’s memory. 

_Dear Tony,_

_Yes. What’s on second._

_Costelloly,_

_Bucky Barnes_

_P.S. The internet says that riddle has no answer._

**Sent Wednesday 5:49 am**

Tony was tickled to the tips of his toes. He rolled over in bed, smiling every time he reread it. They’d had a real exchange! Finally it felt like they were on the same page. And Stevebot had no sense of humor. This couldn’t possibly be him trying to trick Tony. 

_Dear Barnes,_

_Now I feel like it has to be you, because Wilson is probably too young to get the reference. Though in the process, I might have dated myself. Oh well._

_Age Before Beauty,_

_Tony_

_P.S. Using the internet is cheating._

**Sent Wednesday 1:28 am**

What? Did Tony forget Bucky was 50+ years his senior? Tony was way too young to have seen that routine live. 

Now the book, that was something different. It hurt to think about, but Bucky was almost sure that had been Steve’s favourite book when they were kids. Had Tony known? Thinking about the real Steve hurt too much.

_Dear Tony,_

_You’re not old._

_Honestly,_

_Bucky Barnes_

**_Sent Wednesday 12:25 pm_ **

Tony felt personally attacked by Barnes’ email. He had a lot of nerve, paying Tony a compliment like that. 

_Listen Barnes,_

_Flattery will get you nowhere._

_Refusing to Feel Flattered,_

_Tony_

**Sent Wednesday 7:31 am**

Bucky hadn’t meant it as a compliment. Why would it be a compliment? He tried to explain:

_Dear Tony,_

_It’s the truth. You’re young._

_Sincerely,_

_Bucky Barnes_

**Sent Wednesday 1:11 pm**

Tony was all but clutching his pearls. He was having a lot of feelings. What made Barnes think he could blatantly come on to Tony like this? Who was he calling young, with his 26-year-old skin and his stupid pretty face? For both their sakes, Tony felt he had to draw the line in the sand. 

_Listen you,_

_Stop saying nice things. I’m still mad at you for killing my mom._

_No Love,_

_Tony_

**Sent Wednesday 8:25am**

Bucky was physically rocked by those words. It was hard to hear, but deep down, he knew it must still be true. Bucky sat with it for a while. Did his chores, went swimming, even dug out an old grooming brush for the cat. When it was full dark, Bucky left the hut to sit under the stars and drink the amarula Kuhle’s mother had given him for his 101st birthday. It was lonely, but that felt right, somehow.

When the bottle was empty, Bucky went back inside, curled up in the hand-woven blanket Qaqamba’s mother had given him and looked at Stark’s email again. Hard as it was to read, it gave Bucky the opportunity to say something that had been weighing heavily on his mind since Siberia. 

_Dear Tony,_

_I’m sorry for killing your mom._

_I understand if you don’t want to email me anymore._

_Sincerely,_

_Bucky_

**Sent Thursday 3:31 am**

Tony stared at the words until they went blurry. His private line was ringing. Tony couldn’t see who it was, so he just picked up. 

“Oh, hey, Mr. Stark. I was just wondering--” Peter broke off suddenly. “Oh no, are you okay? Is this a bad time? I’m really sorry, Mr. Stark, I didn’t know. I can call back later. Hey, I hope everything is okay. I mean, if not--I know it’s not my business, but you know you can just call me any time. Aunt May says I’m a good listener when I stop talking--sorry. Anyway, you have my number. B-bye, Mr. Stark! I hope you feel better real soon!”

After Peter hung up, Tony wiped the sweat from his eyes. Why was it so hot in here? He got up and made coffee, trying not to think as he watched it brew. 

What did this mean? That he shouldn’t email Barnes anymore? Was that the right thing to do? Was this what he’d been hoping for all along? Barnes’ apology? 

No. 

No, Tony wasn’t finished. Barnes couldn’t get out of this that easily. 

After a pot of coffee and some AC/DC, he felt better. 

_Bucky Barnes,_

_You should be._

_I’m a little sorry for blowing up your arm._

_Tony_

**_Sent Thursday 12:16 am_ **

Bucky wasn’t sure what he felt when Tony’s message chimed. When he read it, Bucky was relieved. He felt really lucky Tony was still speaking to him. He’d even apologized, which Bucky would never have expected. He wrote back right away:

_Hey Tony,_

_Don’t be. I lost my arm a long time ago. And it hurts less now._

_Honestly,_

_Bucky_

**Sent Thursday 5:23 am**

Tony blinked. He’d never considered that before. If it wasn’t attached right, a prosthetic like the one Barnes had worn could have caused an excruciating amount of pain. And knowing Hydra, they probably hadn’t upgraded the attachment since it was first installed. Which meant Barnes had probably been in agony for decades from the damned thing. 

_Bucky,_

_Your metal arm used to hurt? Sounds like a flaw in the design. I bet I could fix that for you. Free of charge, of course._

_Yours,_

_Tony_

**Sent Thursday 12:47 am**

Bucky must have fallen asleep, because Tony’s email was waiting when he woke up. It was a kind offer. 

_Dear Tony,_

_No thanks. I like it better the way it is now. That’s generous of you, but I don’t want another one._

_Thanks Anyway,_

_Bucky_

**Sent Thursday 6:22 am**

Tony couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He’d already begun work on schematics. 

_Dear Buckaroo,_

_Well that’s no fun._

_You know, for a mass murderer, you’re kind of boring._

_Feeling you don’t live up to the hype,_

_Tony_

**Sent Thursday 1:48 am**

Bucky felt like he had a better grasp of Tony’s sense of humor now, so he didn’t take it personally. 

_Dear Tony,_

_Yeah, I get that a lot._

_Your Disappointing Pal,_

_Bucky_

**Sent Thursday 12:03 pm**

And just like that, they were friends.


End file.
